Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize