And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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