my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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