oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
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