What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
In America we eat man semen.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
