The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
