Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Holy sore nipples Batman
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
