I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
