that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
