and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
