your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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