I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
