I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
