half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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