My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
