WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
