Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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