feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
