hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
