Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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