And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize