No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
