We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize