Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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