everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
