I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Randomize
