just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize