I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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