then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
