It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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