Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
