im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
