When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
