You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
