peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
