We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
