Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
