I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
