sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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