Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
