And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
