So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
