My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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