It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
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