The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
