This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
