Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
