So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
