Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just googled if crying burns calories
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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