He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
