Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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