I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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