I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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