You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
