Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
