grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
