we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
