Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
