Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
