Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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