Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
