And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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