got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
