How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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