her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i've created a new STD.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
