a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
