when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
